97 Quiet Smiles

Grandma is visiting; and i love her.

She's tiny, stubborn, hazel droopy eyes, soft light brown hair, sun moles on her pale skin, bratty, funny, sweet elusive smile, quiet soft voice, quiet heart.

The past is right here with me right now, roaming inside my tiny Pittsburg house, from room to room, from window to window, from book to photo album, from quiet corner to loud TV set. She gets bored. I don't blame her. TV is boring when there are only a few spanish channels. Books might be somewhat boring when you forget every word you just read. Conversations are boring when people keep telling you that you just said that.

I guess life is boring when you're 97. I feel bad. I wish i could keep her entertained all the time, but i have work to do also. And things to do, and people to talk to, and books to read, and TVs to watch, and places to drive to, and dreams to dream, and life to live.

I guess life is busy when you're 30.

Grandma is visiting this week. She forgets things all the time.

Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's frustrating.

I wish i could crawl inside her past and grab her memories and save them

from time and age. I'd like to see where she's been, who she's talked to, why she cried and when, when was she the happiest. She doesn't smile much

in pictures. Never has. But she smiles with people.

She lost her sister at a young age. Lost her boyfriend and then her father.

Lost an unborn child. Lost her husband. Lost 3 siblings. And i wonder how many friends and other relatives. Maybe that is the reason why her smile doesn't like the camera. But she smiles for me, and with me, when my patience feels like sticking around.

Grandma is visiting; and i love her.

And i want to throw a big 100 year birthday party for her in May 2010.

And i want her family to be together, because i know that that's all

she's ever wanted. But this country is big, and this planet is big.

Grandma is visiting; and i love her.

But sometimes she drives me crazy;

and it's okay because she is 97, and forgets things,

and is stubborn and nosy and gets bored easily

and snoozes here and there.

And i love her.